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My Once-a-Year Post

December 30, 2016

Hahaha. I’m laughing quite a bit at the thought that YET AGAIN I have done nothing with this blog for a long, long time and I’m just coming here to publicly post my goals. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I need things off my plate, and this is one of the things. It doesn’t bother me as much now as it did in the past, and I’m happy to just let it sit and collect stats from previous posts for a few years until I have more clarity and time.

First, a reflection on the terrible horrible awful that was 2016.

Last year was the first time I used Lara Casey’s Powersheets to guide my goal setting by following along with her posts and watching her periscope videos. It was definitely a turning point in my goal setting experiences and achievements. I wish I had been able to purchase the actual Powersheets because I feel like the 3 month refreshes and other built-in features would’ve helped me refine throughout the year and better deal with changes/complications. (In fact, this year I’m contemplating getting two sets of 6 month undated sheets so I can do the prep work — the hard stuff — twice when I naturally pause and reflect for the year) Overall, I felt like I was moderately successful with some of my goals – starting to build my curriculum, beginning to reduce clutter, keeping up regular workouts for a good portion of the year, starting to learn how to meditate (but moreso learning several ways to cope with anxiety and depression), finding some parts of my spiritual path and defining what faith means to me, and having some routines  – these are all progress on the public goals that I shared. It was the first time that I REALLY felt connected to my goals, and I was able to keep that fire burning for longer than I ever have previously, as well as rekindle it at different points of the year.

This year has been a much different experience. Deeper. Richer. WAY more difficult. I realized when coming back through my goals that they were starting to feel somewhat profound, but most of them were not digging to the root causes of what I want and need in my life. This was especially evident when my anxiety and depression took a large turn for the worse in the spring, and I had a very difficult time recovering. I ended up finally seeking professional help from a psychiatrist which has forever changed me for the better, even when I still have issues (turns out that, for me personally, most of my issues are actually chemical and I’m mostly doing a pretty daggone good job of dealing with all the crazy stressors in my life – that’s why EVERYONE should see a psychiatrist once or twice a year for a checkup, just like they see their Primary Care Physician!). My goals had to be turned upside down at that point because my ongoing treatment had to come first. And let me tell you what an absolute RELIEF that has been! I’ve not been without relapses, even with both therapy and chemical treatments, but my life is so much better and I get to experience so much MORE of it everyday thanks to this huge, scary leap that I finally took. My word of the year PATIENCE was a lot more valuable that I had expected it to be when I reluctantly gave into it because of how much it was weighing on my heart. Patience was a fantastic word for me.

The prep work this year was incredibly painful and hard. It’s not easy to be truthful, in actual written words, and then stare those words in the face, and then think and reflect on them. Like last year, I tore through the initial portion quickly, but this year I just sat and let them sink in – faire mijoter or let steep, if you will – until I could add more depth and honesty. I knew I was getting in my own way. I knew that I needed to dig deeper to create profound change.

I have spent several days on my Powersheets this year, and, very much unlike me when it comes to self-reflection, I’ve lamented it. My process has almost been a grieving process, filled with tears, anxiety, and finally, acceptance. I wanted an action word this year that really dug to the core of what I was trying to accomplish, and while there were several words/phrases that stuck out well, NOURISH ended up being my choice because not only does it imply serious action, but life-giving, life-saving, replenishing, JUST WHAT I NEED action. It’s not going to be easy for me. I already feel guilty about the amount of time I’ve wasted, especially in the past year, trying to deal with my health and implement self-care routines, a lot of times at the expense of my husband or family or work. I’m going to have to cut out some things. I’m going to continue my struggle with perfectionism and control (something that PATIENCE helped greatly last year). I’m not going to add any commitments into my life that don’t already exist (even if I know I can help, and would be able to do great things to help someone, I CAN’T SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD so I really should stop trying and spreading myself so thin) so that the ones I have can be stronger, deeper, and more balanced. I’m not committing to sharing my Tending Lists each month because I will play everything by ear but I will share my plan for January, and of course, all of my goals and posts will be edited to keep some things private because as much as I am a total oversharer (impulsive ADHD  – anyone? anyone? haha), some things really should remain private.

After this ridiculously long narrative, I’m going to be a tease and put my actual goal action plans in another post, and set it to publish tomorrow. My goals are done and my Tending List has been set for January, so I’ll edit them into the next post. How is your goal setting coming along? I know I don’t have many readers, but there are few faithful friends who check in every once in awhile, and I appreciate your feedback and comments!

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